Kart-wheels

The slight pulse in between steps, the rhythm of the drum, berimbau and tamborine, the concentration on your opponent's body gives the moment this raw feeling of impulse contrasted with a plan. The naturalness of the beating heart combined with a loose choreography and the strength of a fight melded with the beauty of dance: this is capoeira.

Those who know me well, know that I love to dance.  Even when using the word "love" does not seem to fully describe my  my passion for dance.  I never learned to dance anything like ballet or lyrical, although I faithfully went to my childhood best friend's recitals growing up.  Actually, initially, I was very self conscious about dancing and I remember tentatively moving my body at school dances with more fear than enjoyment.  It wasn't until Spanish class in high school that I discovered that there were other kinds of dances than what we did at homecoming and prom.  Finally, in college I learned to dance much better.  My senior year, Saturday nights were often spent dancing with a group of friends who enjoyed it as much as I did.  Since then, I have learned many forms of social dances and remember that while dancing a friend told me that I looked so alive and happy during our performances.

Upon my arrival in Brazil, I knew very little about capoeira.  From my research of Brazil, I had learned that it was a form of self-defense that people who were enslaved used to practice.  But since they were not permitted to defend themselves, they masked the self-defense as a dance.  The result today is exactly that, the marriage of a martial art and rhythm.  When Jonas (the church secretary) invited me to come to his capoeira practices, I confess I jumped at the opportunity mostly so that I could meet more people and make more friends.  During my first practice, I already knew it was going to be something that I wanted to excel at and continue during my time here.

For those who have never seen capoeira before, I encourage you to look up videos so you can see the strength that is required to perform many of the head stands, back bends and kicks.  Around my third practice, the teacher challenged me by asking me to do the capoeira version of a kart-wheel. Initially, I said that I couldn't.  I've always had difficulty with kart-wheels since my arms are pretty much useless and all my strength lies in my legs.  Again, he encouraged me to try it, "Even if your legs barley make it off the floor, try it so that you learn the movement.  Many capoeiristas who have been practicing for many years don't lift their legs up very far." I, of course, wanted to be able to lift my legs up, but resigned myself to less than perfection and managed to complete a half leg-lifted kart-wheel.  Often, I have noticed that I often lack the competitive drive to push myself further in sports.  I will go all out on the easier things, but once it starts hurting, I am quite content to back off.  Something different happened in capoeira; even when I was tired, I kept pushing myself and now I will stay not only for my practice, but for the more advanced practice directly after mine.  A few weeks later, I was able to do a regular kart-wheel and I am amazed at the strength that I have gained in my arms.

In fact, that has been a general theme since arriving: courage and determination.  Many of my friends and family members have told me that I am brave for living in other countries far from my family or for learning a new language.  I never understood how that was brave because it always felt natural to me, exciting.  So, in reality, for me it's not that brave because its not something I fear.  Oddly enough, the simple things can be much more challenging for me.  Pushing myself in a sport, sometimes just leaving the house and talking to people, or advocating for myself.  But, something has clicked since I have arrived here; and I'm not sure why. Maybe my concern with doing things right and properly (a form of perfectionism) is dwindling.  The movements in capoeira are challenging but I am not afraid of them and am filled with this desire to further challenge myself in this sport even if I'm clumsy at first.   Maybe, for some reason the part in me that, when I was a girl, confidently adventured and explored the unknown has awakened again.  It's also possible that the situations that I have gone through in the past year have given me more confidence and courage.  Now that I am unleashed in a new environment, I am putting them into practice. What ever it is, I like it because it has brought me more confidence, more faith, trust and determination.  If I trip and fall, its ok because I know how to get back up, and I have the support to help me.